Mother refuses to give adult daughter her own birth certificate and passport sparking a family disagreement about their ownership: 'She said that they aren't mine legally [but] they are'

When you're a parent, it can be hard to let go. You go through the process of figuring everything out as they grow, with so many changes and responsibilities changing over time. Just as soon as you have everything figured out and the responsibility is peaking, suddenly it's time to start letting all of it out. Almost like a rope that you've been hauling in for their entire life suddenly needs to be thrown back overboard. There's definitely a better sailing metaphor in here somewhere, but throwing all of that rope out when you've worked so hard to pull it in feels unnatural. Hanging onto things, be it responsibilities, decisions, or documents, becomes a way to maintain both connection and control over something that you're quickly losing control over. But as with anything, it's just a part of the tides of life, and you need to learn to let go.

As your kids get older, it's important to realize that they are going to—no, need to become fully fledged adults who are able to make it all on their own. And, I think a lot of parents are so determined to hang on to what they have that they actually stunt their kids' development. Too much clinging on and not letting them figure it out for themselves is how you wind up with people like your freshman roommate from college, who literally wasn't able to care for or feed themselves.

All of this being said, who among us actually knows where their birth certificate is?

I'm fairly certain that mine is actually safely tucked in my parents' filing cabinet along with other important documents that I've never used or needed. But it's hard to say, and I haven't laid eyes on it in years.

My mother might be a little bit reluctant to let them go, were I to come around asking for them, she might even react like this mother here. And there is some truth to the fact that your birth certificate, social security, and the like were issued to your parents, but you barely existed, and at a certain point, it's safe to say that they can be considered yours. But you have to know that it's coming from the right place, and sometimes it's just a little hard letting go.

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"AITA for not giving my mother my own birth certificate, SS card, and passport back?"

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$NTA [deleted] \> I ended up telling her I'm not going to give you my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport especially the passport since I paid for it because she has no necessity or legal right to it. Am guessing you are an adult- your mom no longer has any right to your documents unless you want her to have them. Make sure you do a thorough credit check and see if she has opened any cards/accounts under your social security number. Good luck OP.$

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